Not My Will, But Yours Be Done
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4
“That’s not the stuff for the recruiting videos,” my friend Cheddy said when I shared the state of my circumstances and how God was working in my life during our phone call on July 15, 2022.
I giggled and agreed. We’re both retired Marine Corps Officers, well aware that the real hard, tough, and gut-wrenching experiences of boot camp, first duty stations, and officer candidate school (having both been enlisted Marines before becoming officers) never made it into the recruiting videos. Ask most Marines, and they’ll tell you, “My recruiter lied.” It’s not that recruiters intentionally deceive; they simply omit the details that might discourage, worry, or outright scare people from becoming Marines.
Similarly, what I shared with Cheddy about my fiery furnace experience isn’t the message we often hear preached from the pulpit or used to lead nonbelievers to Christ. But it’s a disservice to all Christians when we gloss over the pain, suffering, and struggles we will endure as followers of Christ. Becoming the fullness of who we are in Him means walking through seasons of fire, wilderness, and deep valleys. It means facing trials, tests, and persecution. It means being pruned and disciplined by the Most High God.
When I spoke to Cheddy, my understanding was limited. I understood that the fiery furnace was meant to bring me into full submission and surrender to God. But I had no idea how much more was ahead—how God would expose and heal every wound, hurt, and past pain and trauma. How much refining it would take to build my faith, learn God’s ways, renew my mind, and reshape my character. I didn’t grasp I had to trust God as my Provider, make His Word first place and final authority in my life, or how to overflow with the fruit of the Spirit, experience His peace which surpasses all understanding, and walk in God’s completeness and power.
However, that’s been one of the consistent things over the last three years; not knowing how much is ahead.
Facing Another Trial: The Eviction
On March 6th, I was evicted from the first real home I’ve established for myself. I lived there for five and a half years, and I really liked the place. I was very happy and satisfied with it. I could have prevented it from happening. I could have taken control, moved in the natural, and done whatever needed to be done to pay the rent. It’s what in the flesh I kept wanting to do, but in the spirit, God was leading me to trust Him and reassuring me everything was okay.
If it hadn’t been for everything God has walked me through the last few years, my relationship with Him and other believers, my faith in Him, and His promises, I wouldn’t have been able to trust God and step into the circumstances and this moment filled with peace, trust, and even joy. Just a year ago, I would’ve been filled with fear, confusion, stress, frustration, anger, and anxiety.
The funny thing is when God told me it was time to share all He has done in my life over the last three years, I didn’t expect to be writing this post and continuing this blog amid an even more trying situation than my time in the fiery furnace. When I posted on January 15th, I truly thought I’d be reflecting on past trials—not finding myself in ONE.
But the benefit of being in one of the biggest trials of my walk of faith as I share how God has pursued, healed, renewed, transformed, and matured me in my faith is that you can experience what it’s like to live by faith and not by sight and to trust and believe the Word of God over circumstances and feelings. What it means to live by “Not my will but your will be done.”
I wrote to someone who was saddened by my circumstances, “It’s better to be in a trial in God’s will than to be comfortable outside His will.” It’s one thing to say these words—it’s another to live them. And I know now, more than ever, that I truly believe them.