Teaching: Forgiveness is Not an Option
I wrote in my walk of faith overview how pain, confusion, and misunderstandings led me to attempt suicide at just 11 years old. The weight of feeling hurt, rejected, and unworthy of love triggered something deep within me—a process of hardening my heart. Over time, that hardness grew, creating a wall that estranged me from my family.
But when I invited Jesus into my life, everything changed. As God moved and taught me about love and forgiveness, I didn’t resist. I didn’t argue, debate, or try to justify my pain. I embraced it—because I needed it. When God orchestrated the circumstances for me to both give and receive forgiveness, I didn’t hesitate. I forgave quickly and completely.
I came to Jesus at my breaking point—when I had no other option. I was desperate, miserable, and ready for change. From that place of brokenness, I was open and willing to obey. I believe that’s why forgiveness came so easily when God asked it of me.
I also know the consequences of not forgiving. I lived through years of anger, hurt, and pain, and I know the relief of having that burden lifted. I never want to carry anything like that again. I’m so grateful I was blessed with being able to forgive and receive forgiveness.
Whenever forgiveness is discussed—whether at church, in small groups, devotionals, or conversations—I always thank God for making it easy for me. Because I see how much others struggle with it. I have deep compassion for those who wrestle with forgiveness. I pray for them.
But I also know this truth: forgiveness is not optional for believers.
Jesus makes it clear in Matthew 6:14-15:
“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
These words are hard. They challenge us. They leave no room for excuses. No justification, no wrongdoing against us gives us permission to walk in unforgiveness.
But here’s the key: the path to forgiveness is not through our own strength—it goes through God’s love for us and what Jesus did for us on the cross.
Why Do We Struggle with Forgiveness?
If forgiveness is not an option for believers, why do so many struggle with it? Because forgiveness challenges our sense of justice. It feels unfair.
When we’ve been wronged—deeply hurt, betrayed, abandoned, or abused—it can feel like forgiving is saying that what happened was okay. That it didn’t matter. But that’s not what forgiveness means.
Forgiveness is not excusing, justifying, or minimizing the offense. It’s not pretending that the pain didn’t happen. Forgiveness is a spiritual act of obedience that releases you from the grip of the past and into the fullness of God’s love and healing.
Many hold onto unforgiveness because they believe it gives them control. They believe that holding onto anger and resentment keeps them protected from future pain. But the truth is, unforgiveness doesn’t protect you—it poisons you. It keeps you trapped in cycles of hurt, bitterness, and emotional and spiritual stagnation.
The real danger is that unforgiveness doesn’t just affect your emotions—it affects your soul.
Unforgiveness: A Tool for the Enemy
Unforgiveness is a weapon in the hands of the enemy. He knows that as long as you refuse to forgive, he has a foothold in your life. He uses it to:
- Keep you in bondage – The enemy wants you to live with bitterness, resentment, and emotional heaviness because it stops you from experiencing the freedom Jesus died to give you. (Hebrews 12:15 – “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”)
- Disrupt your relationships – Unforgiveness isolates you. It creates walls between you and the people God has called you to love, including family, friends, and even the body of Christ. (Ephesians 4:31-32 – “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger… Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”)
- Weaken your faith – The longer you hold onto unforgiveness, the harder your heart becomes. A hardened heart resists God’s presence, making it difficult to grow spiritually or hear His voice. (Zechariah 7:12 – “They made their hearts as hard as flint and would not listen to the law or to the words that the Lord Almighty had sent by His Spirit.”)
- Interfere with your purpose – You cannot walk in the fullness of your calling while chained to past hurts. The enemy will use unforgiveness to distract and delay you from stepping into God’s will for your life.
Unforgiveness doesn’t just hurt you—it empowers the enemy to keep you stuck. We are the body of Christ and have been given the enemy as our footstool. This means we must not allow the enemy to keep having control, power, and authority over us.
Forgiveness by Receiving God’s Love
The ability to forgive does not come from our own strength—it comes from receiving God’s love and allowing it to overflow in our lives.
So often, we try to forgive in our own power, but we struggle. Why? Because we cannot give what we have not received. If we have not truly experienced the depth of God’s love, we will find it difficult—if not impossible—to extend love, grace, and forgiveness to others.
When we fully receive and experience the overwhelming, undeserved love of God, it transforms our hearts and enables us to extend that same love to others. Forgiveness is not something we force ourselves to do—it is something that flows naturally from a heart filled with God’s love.
Understanding and Grasping God’s Love
The path to forgiveness—and to developing the ability to battle against strife, future offenses, and pain—begins with a deep study and understanding of God’s love. This played a huge part in me walking in forgiveness and it continues to change and impact my life. There’s no end to God’s love. The more we meditate on it and seek it, the more it fills and transform us.
Ephesians 3:17-19 beautifully captures this truth:
“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”
God’s love is immeasurable. It is unshakable. It is the source of everything we need to walk in forgiveness and freedom.
But in order to live in this love, we must be intentional about seeking it, studying it, and allowing it to reshape our hearts and minds.
Being Filled with the Holy Spirit
The Holy Spirit is our helper, comforter, and advocate. He is ready to teach and guide us. We can’t live the Christian life without Him so we have to also seek Him. Being filled with the Holy Spirit and overflowing with the fruit of the Spirit makes forgiveness and all our interactions with others significantly easier.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23)
Each of these fruits enables us to forgive:
- Love allows us to see people the way God sees them.
- Joy reminds us that our identity is in Christ, not in our pain.
- Peace guards our hearts against bitterness and resentment.
- Patience helps us extend grace to those who have hurt us.
- Kindness and goodness push us toward compassion instead of revenge.
- Gentleness and faithfulness anchor us in God’s truth, keeping us from reacting in the flesh.
- Self-control empowers us to choose obedience, even when our emotions resist.
Forgiveness isn’t a one-time act—it’s a daily posture of walking in God’s love, filled with His Spirit, and allowing His fruit to shape our responses to offenses, pain, and trials.
Forgiveness by Receiving What Jesus Did for Us on the Cross
(Be on Fire for Jesus)
At the heart of the Gospel is the greatest act of forgiveness in history—Jesus Christ taking our sin, shame, and punishment upon Himself so that we could be reconciled to God. The cross is the ultimate display of God’s love, mercy, and justice coming together.
“But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
The more we grasp what Jesus endured for us—the suffering He took on, the weight of our sin He carried—the more our hearts should burn with passion, gratitude, and devotion for Him.
When we are on fire for Jesus, we don’t just admire Him—we desire to be like Him. And what did Jesus do? He forgave.
I regularly take communion at home because every day I want to take a few minutes to remember everything Jesus did for me. I envision it all and I often cry. I let my heart overflow with gratitude, awe, love, and worship. I want to burn more and more for Him.
Being on Fire for Jesus Means Living Like Him
When we are captivated by Jesus—when we truly receive the full weight of what He did for us—we cannot remain the same. His love transforms us. His sacrifice compels us to live differently.
- Jesus Forgave When He Was Most Wronged – As He hung on the cross, in agony, abandoned, mocked, and betrayed, His response was not anger—it was forgiveness.
- “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)
- If Jesus could forgive those who crucified Him, how can we, who have been forgiven so much, withhold forgiveness from others?
- Jesus Calls Us to Follow His Example – We glorify and honor Him not just by worshiping Him with our words but by living like Him in our actions.
- “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
- Forgiving others is not just an act of obedience—it is an act of worship.
- Unforgiveness Diminishes Our Fire for Jesus – When we hold onto offense, it quenches the Holy Spirit’s work in our hearts. It dulls our passion for Jesus because it allows bitterness to take root where His love should be flourishing.
- “Do not quench the Spirit.” (1 Thessalonians 5:19)
- When we forgive, we remove barriers between us and God, allowing our fire for Him to burn brighter.
The Cross Demands a Response
Jesus didn’t suffer and die just so we could be saved in theory—He died so we could be transformed in reality.
To say, “I love Jesus,” but refuse to forgive is to deny the very reason He died.
When we hold onto unforgiveness, we:
- Reject the grace we have received.
- Diminish the power of the cross in our lives.
- Fail to live in the fullness of what Jesus has done for us.
But when we embrace what Jesus did, when we are on fire for Him, we honor His sacrifice by extending His love, grace, and forgiveness to others.
“Whoever claims to live in Him must live as Jesus did.” (1 John 2:6)
Be On Fire—Forgive as Jesus Forgave
When we forgive, we aren’t just obeying a command—we are living in the power of the cross. We are declaring:
✔ I have been forgiven, so I will forgive.
✔ Jesus paid my debt, so I will not hold debts against others.
✔ I want to be more like Him, so I choose to love as He loves.
Let the fire of Jesus’ love burn so deeply in you that there is no room for offense, bitterness, or resentment. Let your forgiveness be a testimony to the world that Jesus lives in you.
Because when we truly receive what Jesus did for us, we cannot help but reflect Him.
In Closing
Forgiveness is not a burden—it is a gift. It is the evidence that we have truly received the love of God and the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. When we forgive, we are not just letting go of the past; we are stepping into the fullness of who we are called to be in Christ. We are declaring that His love is greater than our pain, that His sacrifice is enough, and that we will honor Him by living as He lived. Unforgiveness resides in the flesh—it is rooted in pride, bitterness, and self-righteousness. But we are called to walk by the Spirit, not by the desires of the flesh (Galatians 5:16). The Holy Spirit empowers us to do what our flesh resists—to love, to show grace, and to forgive as Christ forgave us. When we release unforgiveness, we break free from the enemy’s trap and step into the peace, joy, and power of God’s presence. If you want to be on fire for Jesus, if you want to walk in the fullness of His love, start by forgiving. Let go. Release it. Walk in freedom. Because when we forgive, we don’t just reflect Jesus—we reveal Him to the world.
A Teaching on Forgiveness by Joyce Meyer
Joyce clearly explains the cost of unforgiveness, what it means to forgive, and why it’s so important.